Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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