it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Sober January is a disaster.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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