woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
