They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
