i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
