Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
