So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
