I seem to have left my pride at pride
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
