Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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