i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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