Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
