Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
