ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
