When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
