I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
