Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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