If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
