dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
