i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
