Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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