we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My cat gives me a boner
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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