3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the condom got lost in my hair
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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