im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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