remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
