herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
