could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize