i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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