hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Pants are for mortals
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
