Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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