11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
