Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
