He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
