hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
