Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
