Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
