if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
