Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
