i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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