I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
