Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
