Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
