how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize