i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
