Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
