i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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