All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
