What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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