We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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