So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
