Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
