Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
