So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize