My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Found the puke drawer
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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