no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
