I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize