Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
