tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
