from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
