My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
