ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
