just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Text me some of your sweat
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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