If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
