after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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