Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
