When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
