tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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