I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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