Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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