I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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