I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
either way he was missing a nipple.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
