just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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