dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
