Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
