he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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