She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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