I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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