If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
