I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
